Monday, September 23, 2013

Cabal Hijack! Meet Dave "The Adonis" Hammer

Today we have Gerty interviewing the exotic dancer Dave. Give them a big round of applause and get out your dollar bills.

*Gerty beckons Dave into the backroom of the bakery*

Gerty: So, Dave. Welcome to my lil’ slice of heaven. I’m not sure what to ask as you’re the first, um, dancer I’ve ever met. I know that the writers want us to chat, so let’s get started. Please introduce yourself.

Dave: Hi, my name is "AD", better known as Adonis Dave but my real name is Dave "the Adonis" Hammer. I love laying the "hammer" down, its my favorite pastime. Well, that and dancing for women.

Gerty: *clears throat* Okay. Well, it sounds like you have an exciting life. Much more exciting than mine. Although, I do have a sex-drone-turned-bakery-assistant, so that’s gotta count for something right? Right? *blushes* Never mind, let’s continue. If you had to explain yourself, to someone who hasn’t read your story, what would you say?

Dave: *winking* I am the sexiest guy you will ever get a lap dance from. I'm all about the woman when I dance for her...physically that is. My mind may wonder a bit, hence the nickname "AD". I could give you a sample if you’d-

Leven: Even though I am android I do have feelings. You will not proposition my Gertrude. If she needs her lap to be danced upon I will make sure to fulfill that fantasy.

Gerty: Okay, Leven… enough of that. We don’t need to get into your training and what awesome things you can do with your… lap. Dave, how would you describe your significant other (others)?

Dave: *laughing* I have many significant others. There's Becky on Mondays, Theresa on Tuesdays, Shelly & Sara on Wednesdays, Thursdays are all about Amy, Lauren & Sasha. Fridays and Saturdays I like to keep my options open and on Sundays I need my rest.

Gerty: Really? Wow… *stammering* That’s, well, that’s just… wow. I know the writers are making me ask… how about the sex, so dish. How has it been in the sack?

Dave: I really love to make a woman scream my name. I will do anything and everything in order to make that happen. A little oral, a little BDSM, a little role playing. I'm down for whatever makes her happy and shout, "Oh, Dave! You make the best love!"

Leven: *turning to Gerty before grinning at Dave* My Getrude screams my name every time. It is a wonderful sound. Sometimes I even have to change my cum to contain medicine so when she swal-

Gerty: Damn it, Leven. I’ve told you. We don’t talk about that. *sighing* Dave, if you could change one thing, what would it be?

Dave: Oh, that’s easy. That I could please more than 4 or 5 women in a night without getting tired.

Leven: I can pleasure Gertrude as many times as she wants including keeping an erection for hours. That definitely is a downfall for human men. *nodding*

Gerty: *hangs head* I can’t stand it any more. The two of you can talk shop after we’re done. Last question. For those readers that haven’t read your story, give me a quick glimpse into it.

Dave: I wrote this story when I was a rookie at the strip club. I was wet behind the ears still and had no clue what to do. Of course, now I'm much more experienced and know how to handle the situations better. Remember, I was green and the story is about the rookie mistakes and observations I made.

Gerty: Thank you for stopping by. Let me know if you want anything from the case up front. I’ll leave you two to talk about whatever it is, but I’m out of here. *she stands and walks out of the room*

Leven: So, you’ll teach me some of these lap dance moves, correct? I like surprising Gerty with new methods and techniques.

*the men stand and Dave shows the android some killer moves*

Dave is the hunkilicious hero in Justin Whitfield’s story in the anthology Fondled and Gobbled: Messier than Ever. While Gerty is the heroine who always gets a rise in Lea Barrymire’s story in the anthology Fondled and Gobbled: Back for More.

You can find out all about Justin Whitfield and his books:
Twitter @justinEndZone

You can find out all about Lea Barrymire on her website:
Twitter @LeaBarrymire

Fondled and Gobbled: Messier than Ever

His plan was to find a mate to give him offspring, not to bear the children himself! Can a centuries-old city vampire and a honky-tonk country honey accept each other’s unusual sexual needs? The perfect dream lover is definitely too good to be true, especially when you’ve been drinking in an Irish pub. What’s a male erotic dancer actually thinking during that lap dance?

If you’re looking for the perfect romance with the perfect hero and heroine, this isn’t it! This is a series of spoofs, parodies, just-for-fun lighthearted take-offs. It’s for all us longtime, hard-core romance readers who can laugh at the clich├ęs, purple prose and “suspend your disbelief” plot devices that haunt our beloved favorite genre.

An Exotika® erotica anthology from Ellora’s Cave


Victoria Adams said...

Hysterical interview.

Maggie Nash said...

C'mon After this interview you have to change your identity and run from the stampede of woman wanting to "know" you right?