Don't laugh, but this line from "Tied Together With A Smile" by Taylor Swift totally rings true! Being a woman is hard enough, but when you add writer to your repertoire, it's a double whammy. We know all writers are the worst critics when it comes to ourselves and I'm no exception. I've been basically dragging in the performance department and as time passes, I become more insecure. More paranoid. More discouraged.
I'm normally a pretty optimistic person but lately I've noticed that I've never been able to shake a few bad habits like...my body image disorder or my mental anxieties when it comes to my writing. No matter how many books I've written, I have this fear that everything I've written has been dreck! Compounded by the pressures that goes with having submissions out at NY publishing houses, waiting on responses, getting rejections, getting passed over because they just bought a series similar to mine...it's a cesspool of self-doubt ready to erupt. I'm surprised we still have our sanity intact.
I think all of these insecurities are related...for instance, because I am at my most chaotic and vulnerable mental state, I start picking on all my flaws. Is that another wrinkle? Are my eyes too small? Is that a double chin? Do I need a nip and tuck? Why are my arms so flabby? Yeah...even a petite person as myself who is considered "thin" has a zillion complexes. These dissatisfaction about my outer shell really starts affecting my inner self. I'm not smart enough. I'm not a good a writer as so-and-so. Why can't I write faster? Why is everyone selling except me? When will it happen for me? It's enough to drive me to therapy.
BUT...there is a silver lining. If I push past all the imperfections because of social pressures, personal pressures, everything pressures....we are all imperfect beings. We are all learning about ourselves every day, and the person who can understand herself is the one that can change the way she thinks and performs. People always say that when you send out positive energy into the Universe, it will come back to you. That's when miracles happen. Well, at least the good luck starts rolling in. I've been hesitant about that theory but lately I'm starting to change my mind about that. Why? Strangely, some good things have finally sprung from my positive attitude of late. From the people I am fortunate enough to meet and become friends with, to the opportunities that are slowly coming my way...I realized that I had spent so much time creating that wall between myself and success that I was the one holding myself back. So even during all the insanity, I think this truth has started to sink in and I'm making an effort to become more comfortable in my own skin. I'm never going to compare myself to anyone and I acknowledge that every path is a path only destined for each of us to walk separately.
So the next time you're frustrated, uncertain, insecure...look in the mirror...no, really look in the mirror and see your true beauty. Your own uniqueness that only YOU possess. We spend way too much time looking at ourselves from a disconnected angle that we lose sight of what makes us special. We need to stop viewing everyone's perception of beauty and see our own perception of beauty. That is what's real.
My message to you: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Don't forget that because when we do, we lose sight of who we are.