True stories. And not for the faint of heart.
My mother offered to give my house a thorough cleaning since she's off for the summer. And well, since I'm domestically-challenged and she enjoys the domestic arts, who am I to deprive her of such joys? It would be callous and cruel. So she tackled my bedroom first. The hubby and I made strategic moves of certain toys--and I ain't talking Mr. Potato Head!--before she started. A week later, voila! The room looks great! Like something out of Better Homes and Gardens! Everything is frighteningly organized down to the socks. This morning I dive in my color-coordinated jewelry box searching for a bracelet and my fingers close around a pink, stretchy bauble...wait...gasp! That's not a bracelet it's the pink cock ring vibrator that somehow slipped our pre-cleaning shakedown. And that my mother apparently thought was jewelry and hung next to the red, glass charm bracelet I got for Christmas.
A certain woman--and it's not my cousin because I told her I would not reveal her identity--is a connoisseur of sexual toys. She keeps a separate drawer for such rubber delights. One day, while passing her daughter's room she looked in on her and the conversation went something like this:
Daughter: Hi, Mommy!
Mother: (Coming into the room, arms outstretched) Oh, sweetie, hi. Where'd you get that? That's mommy's.
Daughter: (glances down) No, Mommy. They're getting married.
Mother: (nervous, wobbly smile) No, sweetie. That's mommy's doll.
Daughter: (hugging large rubber penis and bride barbie to chest): Noooo, mommy! They're getting married!
So. Has a mother, father, child found your stash? If so, how did you play it off? Or did you? You can share! I won't tell or have Savannah post you as Freak of the Week! Hee-hee!