C'mon, Grimm Brothers and Aesop, you ain't fooling nobody! We know erotic stories when we read 'em! As Naughty Author Chick, Paige Tyler proved with Just Right, her lusty version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, some of the fairy tales we grew up with carry some serious sexual undertones that require the astute--and horny--mind to ferret out the well-hidden... and sometimes not so well-hidden eroticism. And that perceptive mind would be me! But hear me out and you just may end up agreeing with my analysis!
Rapunzel. So reclusive chick with waaay over-protective Mommy Dearest guardian lets down her abnormally long locks to allow people to climb up into her tower that has no way in or out but her tresses. Besides a pretty obvious advertisement for Excedrin who can't see the erotic theme in this? Amorous man spies lovely, lonely woman who is obviously...uh...sheltered. He tricks her into letting him in her tower--no pun intended there, right?--where they spend time together doing...what? Scrabble? Pictionary? How 'bout he's teaching her all kinds of naughty, sexy things. The prince turned Rapunzel out! You need further proof? The man had his eyes put out for milk and cookies? Me thinks not!
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Uh...this is so obvious I don't even have to go into an explanation. We all know what was going on in that hut in the woods, don't we?
Beauty and the Beast. The very first paranormal erotic romance. C'mon! It's so clear! We have our first shapeshifter! So let's delve into this tale that encourages children to peer beyond a person's appearance to see the heart beneath. Unhuh. Father sends daughter to beast as a snack. Well the beast was eating something when Beauty got there! Ooh that was so crass. Sorry! But seriously, they were in that castle for days...by themselves...day after day...night after night...he provided her with clothes and comfort...I'm sooo sure he got nothing in return. Because when he was bewitched it transformed his man parts, too. Say what you want, Beauty was getting sexed by a man who was an absolute animal in bed! ROWR!
Puss in Boots. Do I really have to expound?? I didn't think so.
Sleeping Beauty. Here's my take. Because of neglectful parents or near-sighted evil fairy--depends on which version you believe--the princess is consigned to a one hundred year sleep once she pricks her finger on a spindle. Is that not a huge clue that we shouldn't be doing housework?? But anyhoo, adventurous prince braves the thorned and tangled vines that have killed many a fortune-hunting prince to wake this sleeping beauty. He finds her...once again in a tower! Are these stories Freudian or what?? He wakes her with a kiss. I'm sure she had some serious halitosis going on after one hundred years of sleeping but she's lying there, in a bed and hasn't laid eyes on a man in a century. And he just laid a kiss on her. Riiiight.
So am I on to something? Or have I just been writing way too much erotic romance? I'll let you be the judge.
I still say I'm right though...