Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Cabal Hijack! Meet Holly, Hawk, and Cade

A large warrior alien strides into the room wearing something similar to a Baby Bjorn, but he hands his infant off to his mate and sits across the table from Holly Thomas, Cade Kincaid and Hawk Hudson and stares them in the eye.

DAXIRON: Introduce yourself and tell me why you are here. I like to know who I am speaking to.

 *Author interjection* He means tell us a bit about your story please.

Holly leans forward to check out Daxiron’s package. Both Hawk and Cade grab her arms and haul her back to her chair.

Holly: Gawd, y’all are this close to being spectators in a Holly sex toy fantasy night. I was just checking to see what the alien was packing! *sniff* I’m Holly Thomas and these are my men, Cade Kincaid and Hawk Hudson.

Cade: My little cactus is correct, we’re her men.

Hawk: *frowns at the table and grabs Holly’s purse to look for something* Did you bring my antibacterial wipes, baby? I swear this place is unsanitary. *he wipes the table until it squeaks and tells his tale* Cade’s my best friend. Holly was his girl and they invited me over one night and uh…

Holly: He passed the Big Hoss test with flying fucking colors, y’all. *holds her hands out at least a foot apart* I’m talking…I almost walked bowl-legged for a week.

Cade: That’s because you kept wanting to play cowgirls and stallions, my little cactus.

Holly just grins.

How very…interesting. Now, explain to those who don’t know you what’re you like. I can see for myself your appearance, but explain it for the others!

Holly: I’m straight up awesome, that’s what I’m like. I’m a girl who likes to get her cookies. Several times in a single night and as much as I love Cade and Big Hoss, not to mention the rest of my sex toy gang, we knew Hawk was the perfect addition to our family.

Hawk: *holds out the pack of used antibacterial wipes* Huh? What? Oh yeah, she’s awesome. Is there some place I can throw this away? Honey, did you pack my antibacterial gel? I think I might have touched the table without the wipes between me and the surface. Do you have any idea how many germs are on these things?

Cade: *takes the wipes away from Hawk* He’s a good guy and because he helps my girl get what she wants, he’s going to be the best man at our wedding.

Holly: And Cade is so wonderful, and rich, we’re having another ceremony with Cade as Hawk’s best man when we get married. I know some bitches be thinking it’s too much being married to two men, but they’re jealous and if they get in my face, I’ll cut a bitch.

Hawk and Cade absently keep Holly from pulling the razorblade out of her cheek.

DAXIRON: Describe your mate. Now.

*Author interjection* Daxiron, please be nice. Do I have to tell them what Daxiron means in your mate’s tongue? Daxiron grumbles.

Holly: I thought I just did. Cade…is uh *she pauses and thinks* Sexy and rich and gorgeous and works me up like no one else can. Hawk is *she holds her hands a foot apart again* Need I say more?

Cade: *puffs out his chest* And Holly is amazing. Since she opened that sex toy factory earlier this year, she’s become the Queen of Dick.

Hawk: Does that infant have a cold? Shouldn’t you put it in an incubator before possibly passing on any of its germs to unsuspecting people? *pulls out a surgical mask and places it over his face* Cade and Holly are the best things to happen to me. Why, I wouldn’t have realized sex could be good with one condom if it wasn’t for them. And kissing! I almost don’t care how many germs live in the human mouth now.

Holly: But you still make me brush my teeth before we kiss after I give a blow—
Hawk and Cade cover her mouth with their hands.

Cade: Next question please?

DAXIRON: I like this question. Tell us how you mate, what is it like to fornicate with your significant other. *eager gleam in his eyes*

Cade: Hot. We like to switch it up on our little cactus, if you know what I mean.

Holly: Orgasmic. Many times over. And that’s without the toys.

Hawk: *wrinkles his nose* It’s messy. *straightens when he gets the stink eye from Holly* but hot, very hot. Holly is the love of my life and Cade is my best friend. I feel like I have a new lease on life with them. And the sex is amazing. As long as she doesn’t have a cold.

DAXIRON: If you could change one thing, what would it be?

Hawk: Blindfolds so I don’t have to see Cade’s junk and full body condoms. I’m almost positive they’d enhance the experience for all of us if we weren’t exchanging body fluids.

Cade and Holly: Hawk’s germaphobia.

Holly: But that’s something we’re working on together. At least now he doesn’t scream every time I sneeze. As much.

DAXIRON: Before I go and nurse my young one, give us a little sneak peak of your story.


She leaned forward to kiss him, but he jerked back, his cock deflating at the thought of tasting his friend’s cum on her lips. It wasn’t just that though. The human mouth contained at least a hundred different types of bacteria. Hawk scoured his mouth with medical grade wash, brushed six times a day and flossed twice a day to keep his own bacteria at bay. He wasn’t about to take on someone else’s germs. He was certain Holly was a clean, hygienic woman, but just couldn’t kiss her and he sensed her disappointment. It was nothing new for Hawk. His girlfriends hated that he didn’t kiss. At all. Sure, he logically understood that not all bacteria were harmful, but he just couldn’t purposely take someone else’s bacteria into his body. He couldn’t do it.

“Honey, why don’t you go brush your teeth,” Cade suggested in a small, slightly fearful voice.

The look Holly gave Cade should have killed him. Hawk actually worried she might pull her razor blade out of her cheek, but instead of going for his friend’s throat, she climbed off Hawk’s lap and stomped out of the room, her naked ass jiggling. The door to the bathroom slammed shut behind her and Hawk let out a shaky breath Cade echoed.


Hawk, Holly and Cade are a trio in Danica Avet’s story in Fondled and Gobbled: One More Slurp. And Daxiron is a warrior who found himself knocked up from Amy Ruttan’s story in Fondled and Gobbled: Messier than Ever.

And you can find out all about Danica Avet from her website:
Twitter @DanicaAvet

You can find out all about Amy Ruttan on her website:
Twitter @ruttanamy

Fondled and Gobbled: One More Slurp

A well-endowed germaphobe goes for a wild ride with a woman who knows no boundaries and her inadequately endowed boyfriend. Two BDSM novices learn that not everyone can top—when everyone wants to sub. Big boobs, big hair, a shrill voice and gunfire fetish—the hero finds the perfect woman. A girl who has never seen a penis before—but her momma told her what to do if a man ever whipped one out in front of her.

If you’re looking for the perfect romance with the perfect hero and heroine, this isn’t it! This is a serious of spoofs, parodies, just-for-fun lighthearted take-offs. It’s for all of us longtime, hard-core romance readers who can laugh at the clich├ęs, purple prose and “suspend your disbelief” plot devices that haunt our beloved favorite genre

An Exotika® erotica anthology from Ellora’s Cave.


Danica Avet said...

Thanks for having us!

Amy Ruttan said...

I keep forgetting how funny these things are. hehehe. Yes, thanks for having us Naughty Author Chicks! :)