Monday, February 18, 2013

Cabal Hijack! Meet Jace, from Surprise Submissive

Dear Diary,

Even though I’m used to crazy/cool drama, today was one they’ll definitely feature in the epic movie that’ll be made about my life! I thought I’d pretty much done it all, but once again I’ve discovered there’s always more out there to take me to the next level of awesome.

The day started normally with Luscious making me breakfast, giving me those hot, brooding, I-wanna-strangle-you looks the whole time. I’m not sure whether it’s because I had him frying me bacon (his health-consciousness is sooo cute) or because I made him do it in the nude *evil laugh*.

Then I got a call from Tayoh, asking if I’d be willing to talk to the ‘Fear of Peen’ blogger chick! I’ve been following her blog for forever and always said she’d know she was cured if she could see mine and not faint. I almost died when Tayoh said he’d contacted her about me and my little Neddy and she asked if we could meet. Can we meet? Does cashmere go with everything? OF COURSE!!

When I got to the Karaoke joint this evening she was already there, waving like a crazy woman from the bar even though she was coughing and choking on her drink. She was wearing a hot little red dress and a pair of MB heels, so I knew we’d get along fine. After she caught her breath she blurted, “How can you be gay? You’re gorgeous.” Diary, can I tell you I love a tactless woman? I explained, suitably contrite of course, that it wasn’t like I had a choice in the matter and thanked her sweetly for the compliment. So we chat a little more (what a flirty little tart she is…so cute!) and she finally gets to the questions about my dick, her face so red I thought she might be about to burst a blood vessel.

She asks if I’ve ever measured myself, whether flaccid or hard. “Honey, I said, “it’s a rite of passage for a guy. I measured Neddy when I was about seventeen.” Leaning in, whispering, eyes darting around as though she thinks someone’s gonna hear she asks, “how big?” So I tell her and she goes pale, sways like she’s about to faint. But she grabs her glass, takes a slug of her drink and looks right at me to say, “Can I see it?”

Now Diary, I don’t think I was really expecting that, but what the hell. No problem, I say, sure. I’ve never seen a person’s eyes open that wide, and she’s looking a little cray-cray. Hopefully she doesn’t think I’m gonna let her touch it…eeewww! Anyway, I wasn’t going to take her to my place—not with Luscious all trussed up, waiting for me. I don’t want anyone but me seeing him like that! So I take her around the back and out the emergency exit, into the alley behind the club. Peen girl backs up against the wall, seems to be hanging on for dear life, as I unzip and fish Neddy out. Her eyes get wider and wider and, when he’s finally all out in the open, she makes this weird sound, kinda like, “Gah!” and faints dead away.

I had a brief, very brief, impulse to smack her with Neddy, but I’m saving all that for my sweetcheeks nowadays because he does love it so. Anyway, figuring she’d had enough, I put little Neddy away and go to help her. When her eyes open, she blinks up at me and asks if Neddy’s ever gotten stuck…


I said no, of course, although there was that time in Chicago…

Anya Richards Bio:
Between wishing she could hibernate all winter and reveling in Canada's two weeks of summer, Anya spends as much time as possible ignoring reality and trying to get her flights of fancy down on paper. Of course reality--disguised as husband, kids, cats, and a side-order of Evil Day Job--has an annoying tendency to intrude and must be severely reprimanded for its temerity...

Besides laughing, people-watching and indulging her curiosity about all things historical (and/or hysterical), Anya enjoys a range of crafts, cooking and, most of all, reading.
Anya also writes under the pen-name Anya Delvay.

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Dalton Diaz said...

"Can we meet? Does cashmere go with everything?"

LOLOLOL! Oh man, wiping my eyes here. I can't wait to read this and find out more about Jace - and little Neddy, of course.

Victoria Adams said...

Hysterical. I think there is a whole other story in the - although there was that time in Chicago.

Anya Richards said...

Thanks so much for letting Jace share a page from his diary...he's Tweeting and FBing everyone to share. Poor Lucius is beside himself with embarrassment!

Danica Avet said...

If Holly were here, which she isn't because I had her committed over the weekend, she'd tell Lucius to get over it because she's about ready for a sex change to get on Jace's team.