Thursday, November 15, 2012

Is Your Vajajay Up to Snuff?

Should you be worried? How the hell are you supposed to know? I can see the infomercial now:

Ladies, are his toes wrapped around the bedpost to keep from falling in?
Is there an echoing slap inside your pelvis, instead of off the bedroom walls?
Does it look like you need collagen shots on the lips south of your face?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, then you, too, may be a candidate for vaginal rejuvenation. Yes, good news to women everywhere, it no longer matters how many children you’ve had, or how much you suffered passing those bowling balls to give life. One must keep up appearances at all cost.

Are you detecting a note of sarcasm here?

Why ever would women be upset over yet another method of reversing time? Of being able to ignore the ravages of real life by understanding what’s really important - getting a painful, completely unnecessary procedure to hide nature’s imperfections. At any and all cost.

Funny how men don’t seem to be under the same microscope. Scrotum rejuvenation, sir? Moob job? Ear and nose hair transplant? How about shaving and bleaching where the sun don’t shine? I can hear the protests from here. It’s okay, you look good in the Speedo. Really.

So for the man who invented this procedure, and I’d place bets it was a man...

Physician, try healing thyself first. See how you like it.  


CaroleDee said...

Love the title of this post. LOL

And would you believe I recently read a book (written by a man, who woulda' thought?) where the female character had that surgery for her husband after having kids? It was quite possibly one of the weirdest books I've EVER read. (In self defense it was for a 'WTF book challenge' LOL)

Even scarier, the vaginal rejuvenation was, by far, NOT the weirdest thing that happened :/

Dalton Diaz said...

The saddest thing to me was that sticking up my middle finger was not my first thought! I'm so tired of the women extinguished, men distinguished routine.

Sherry said...

I'm pretty sure I'm not a candidate, I haven't lost anything in there yet.. At least I don't think I have.. Let me get my miners hat out, I'll get someone right over to check it out.. :D


Ashlyn Chase said...

Hmmm...Now, let's not sterotype--or get a hate-on the cosmetic surgeons of the world.

I know men (and so do you) who are getting their back and chest hair removed with lazar hair removal. Less painful and more permanent than waxing.

Some of these same men may be having plastic surgery. After all, their modeling careers depend upon looking hot.

Some of us aging cougars want to feel like we're as hot as the young chicks who have no qualms stealing our men away. Perhaps Mrs. Petraeus could have faired better.

You know how I feel about getting old...or if you don't, let me tell you. I will not going quietly into that good night. I'll fight gravity and rage at windmills if I want to.

An' nobody better judge me for it. So there.

Dalton Diaz said...

Wasn't meant as a judgment against women who want to do a little nip and tuck at all! It's the select "Hollywood" attitude that it's do or die extremes if you're a woman, with no holes barred , that's made its way to the mainstream.

Victoria Adams said...

Crazy world we live in.

Virginia E said...

It's one thing to have surgery because you have medical problems because gravity works.A prolapse is as ugly as it looks. Chosing to have work done because you want to look as young as you feel is your choice. Please don't endanger your health or carry things to overworked extremes.

But feeling that you MUST have hazardous procedures done to your body just to satisfy someone else's needs or wants isn't right. They don't have to live with the consequences if something goes wrong. You, on the other hand, do have to live with them if you survive.

Julianne Keller said...

Maybe men could get cock lifts!?!

Mai said...

Yeah, what Victoria said...madness.

Naima Simone said...

LOL!!! Oh it most definitely had to be a mind who came up with this "bright" idea. Listen, I can't cock my head down there to get a looksee so I really couldn't give a rat's behind what it looks like! Does it work? Cool. Is it clean? Cooler. All's good. This doctor need to go discover the cure to ingrown toenails or something and leave the cootie to women!

On another note--and I know I'm going to sound really ignorant here but...what's a Moob?? Snicker!

Dalton Diaz said...

LOL! Julianne and Naima, and yes, Virginia, there are always valid reasons for procedures. Amen, Victoria.

Naima, a moob is a man boob. : )