Thursday, December 15, 2011

No Stuffing, Please

Ladies, do you remember that old chant we used to do back when we were Preteens?

Elbows pointed and thrusting backward: “We must, we must, we must increase our bust!”

Well, I think I did that one or a thousand times too many. Yes, it was that time again: I went bra shopping. Despite those childhood wishes and what anyone B cup and under thinks, this is not a good experience for those of us who are over endowed. Especially when there seems to have been a slight revolution since the last time I forced myself to do the deed.


So whose bright idea was it to pad minimizers for a DD size? Seriously? M-I-N-I-M-I-Z-E-R. How is adding padding to the cups minimizing the size? Great nipple cover, but if I lost my mind and wanted to be a DDD, I’d...well, see a psychiatrist. Bend me, shape me, and for the love of god, lift me, but padding I don’t need.






Remember the days of bullet bras with a seam across the middle of the cups? Cones that could take out small children and keep your feet dry in the rain. Think Madonna, but with the bra on the inside. Yeah, I’m glad those days are over, but I still don’t want to look like a linebacker with this new version.




I do wonder what’s coming next. Valve and pump? Ooh, like the sneakers of old! Sitting around the house, let the air out. Going out on a hot date? Pump me up!!

Just don’t add padding.

17 comments:

Wynter Daniels said...

I feel ya! I complained when I was a teenager because I was slow to develop, but when the boob fairy came, she gave me double!

Dalton Diaz said...

I skipped right over the training bra. Almost overnight, BAM! Still, nothing beat when I was preggers with twins.

Ashlyn Chase said...

LOL! I have to go bra shopping too. My only dilemma is finding the raceback so the straps down constantly fall down.

Ash *whose friend inspired a certain book.

Dee said...

lol, I have to go to one of those special stores...seriously, 32FF...who hated me when they were handing out boob sizes and why

Dalton Diaz said...

I (& probably Dee!) have the opposite problem, Ash. Straps did in big time. That's why I love those minimizers. Not only do they take enough off that I can actually wear something button down, the weight is carried around my torso and helps offload the neck and shoulders.

Callie Croix said...

Valve and pump!? Bwahahaha!

Boy, if you decide to donate some of your assets, I'll take 'em. Since I breastfed my kids I'm down to a B- cup and they're not coming back no matter what I do.

Dalton Diaz said...

Do you think they'd give us a discount if I went smaller and you went larger during the same surgery? Hmmmmm.

Maggie Nash said...

I have the complete opposite problem DD. The largest part of me is across my back! So getting a bra to fit that doesn't make my boobs swim in the cups is a challenge! And I really don't think an "Ahh Bra" is gonna do it for me. Maybe they should do bras for back fat!

Ah, the joys of being a woman...

Dalton Diaz said...

Maggie, I'm really starting to wonder if the pump 'n' go future may be our best option!

Jina Bacarr said...

Great post, Dalton. Hard to believe the bra wasn't invented until 1889 in Paris...I had fun in my book, Naughty Paris, with my time-traveling heroine going back to 1889 and making her own bra which "inspired" Mlle. Sardon (later Cadolle) to come up with her design for the first bra.

Casey Crow said...

Well, my negative A's just hate everyone of you. LOL Fun post!

Dalton Diaz said...

Jina, wasn't it invented by a guy named Titslinger? Or is that a myth?

Casey, at least yours are going to stay where they started! You ever see that greeting card with the pic of the old lady who lifts her skirt to her ankles when asked to show off her boobs?

Jina Bacarr said...

Dalyon, Herr Titzling, as he was dubbed by his creator, humorist Wallace Reyburn, is just that.

A myth.

In his book, Bust-Up, Mr. Reyburn had a fun time creating his own version of the origin of the bra (German engineering certainly played a part!), but the honor goes to Mlle. Sardon Cadolle. Her shop in Paris is in business today.

Dalton Diaz said...

Ah, was pretty sure that was lore. Heard that one since childhood, along with Thomas Crapper invented the toilet. Hmm, I feel my next post brewing!

Dee said...

the best thing I ever did was find an actual store that fits you, and i'm not talking about a victoria's secret...there is some stat out there that says 75% of all women wear the wrong bra size...i was quite comfy in my 36D that vickie s had fit me for...boy was I ever wrong...but a lot of the problems, my sore back and shoulders, were relieved by getting a bra that fits...even if its huge!

anyone in the Virginia area should check out The Full Cup - they have one in VA Beach and one in Alexandria, and carry everything from AAA to KK cups (yeah, apparently that is really a size)

Anonymous said...

Well, as a man, I must say that I hate all of the padding. So does my wife. I mean, I'm all for support of those lovely attributes, but it's depressing to come up behind her, wrap my arms around her and find my hands full of foam rather than what I had intended. :(
DC

Dalton Diaz said...

ROFLMAO, Anonymous!
I've kinda always wondered about that. I understand the desire to feel more sexy with bigger curves in the bust and butt, but if you're stuffing with the intention of getting laid, they're going to know. How awkward is that moment?