Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Lesson in History



A friend of mine, and fellow author, is working on a book whose heroine is a real historical figure. I was blown away by the rich color of the story…not to mention how believable it read in spite of the book being a paranormal. The heroine had been so alive—perhaps because at one point in history she really had been.

Of course I realize my friend took creative license with the character but it started the ‘ol thought process flowing. What historical figure would I love to find myself changing the landscape of time and scandalizing academia with? What dashing man of mystery or royalty or infamy would I want to whisk me off my feet in a torrid tsunami of love? What dominant, confident man of strength and command would I love to get a little freaky-deaky with? Well, besides the obvious nominees like King Arthur, Merlin, Denzil Washington—he is an historical figure in some circles!—a few candidates came to mind…

Sooo, I bet you thought this was going to be a blog about which historical men would make wonderful, sexy, brooding heroes…and in all honesty, it was meant to be. But then I text my twin sister—the history teacher who had been downing Nyquil all day—about who she thought should top the list and…well…here’s the conversation…

Nina: What about Jaguar Paw?

Me: I hate u.

Nina: Emperor Chen?

Me: *fist bump ala Friends*

Nina: I didn’t watch Friends like that. What’s that mean?

Me: *$&#^@#$ !

Nina: That’s not nice. I’m trying to help u! Bruce Lee?

Me: Aha. You might actually have something there oh 8-eyed one.

Nina: What about the Dali Lama?

Me: Go take some more Nyquil. It’s safe, I promise…

Nina: Black Beard.

Me: Bad teeth.

Nina. Henry the VII?

Me: How did u know I found him sexy???

Nina: Something’s wrong with u…

Me: It’s the company I was born with.

Nina: Ivan the Terrible? I think he gotta bad rep because of that whole impalement thing…what about the Count of Monte Cristo?

Me: Yeah and the whole murder anyone who disagreed with him thing…and the Count of Monte Cristo wasn’t real!!

Nina: Yeah…and then there’s him killing his son…BUT all that didn’t start until his wife died. I mean ur a writer put a spin on it!

Me: I can’t put a spin on insanity.

Nina: John Lennon? Attila the Hun?

Me: John Lennon was a freak and Attila isn’t a sexy name.

Nina: He was not! How u gonna speak about the man like dat? And what about ‘ol Alex (Alexander the Great). He was a double dipper! And Solomon (King Solomon) ain’t no sexy name either! Reminds me of Geico!

Me: I think Solomon is very distinguished *sniff* Song of Solomon, yo? And John was freaky, admit it. Who knew what him and Yoko did while high and naked??

Nina: U hit a nerve, yo! You are a blasphemer! What about Mahatma Ghandi?

Me: I hate u. Now who’s the blasphemer! Besides he didn’t believe in personal wealth. Nora Roberts couldn’t sell him!

Nina: Why u trying to be like Nora Roberts?

Me: I’m just saying ain’t nobody going to believe in the romantic side of a man who don’t have two dinero to rub together. I mean where would we meet for dinner? His mat?

Nina: No dinner but “hubba hubba” *eyebrows going up and down*

Me: On a thin mat? I’d be too worried about my booty being bitten by something…

Nina: If he’s doing it rite u won’t even be worried about that. *eyebrows again*

Me: Good nite, Nina. More Nyquil and remember…a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. Medicine go down…Medicine go down in the most delightful way…*hum*

Nina: Oh well…goodnite…

Never did determine who my heroes were…

Oh, well. Happy New Year!!

5 comments:

Ashlyn Chase said...

I wish I had a sister to rift off of like that. Oh, well. At least I have great friends.

Michelle Polaris said...

How about Shakespeare, who some people believe was really a Jewish woman? She could have disguised herself as a man. Then she could fall in love with one of her actors or someone at court when she's writing for the Queen. I know it's not a historically sexy hero, but I like the extra twist. Or it could be a lesbian love story and we'll just have to get over our hetero bias and go with a tough sexy woman.

Naima Simone said...

LOL! Michelle, are you going to use that plot because, umm, I really think that has potential...Don't write it, okay??!! I really do like Shakespeare though. I saw a movie about him...was it "Shakespeare in Love"? The one with Gwenyth Paltrow. He was pretty sexy in that. Seriously though...I really like that little twist...

Naima Simone said...

Hi, Ashlyn!
She shares my face and my anniversary date and, I have to admit, I love her...this message will self-destruct in 10 seconds. Either that or she will use this against me for the rest of my natural life...probably longer than that... LOL!

Casey Crow said...

You are cracking me up, Naima!