Thursday, June 2, 2011

You Live Where?

There are some street names, for different reasons, that should never have come into being. I’ll start with one I pass all the time that got this thought process going.

Hemlock Lane. Sounds kind of nice and peaceful, doesn’t it? NOT! Hemlock is a poison. Watch your neighbors, and for the love of Pete, don’t piss them off. Just move in? Don’t eat anything from the welcome wagon.

Woodlawn. This is the name of multiple cemeteries throughout the US. It’s not a street name, it’s a final address. It’s where you end up if you take a stroll down Hemlock Lane.

Which brings me to Funeral or Cemetery Street, Lane or Court. We have one in my town, and there is a funeral parlor on the street, but there are also houses. How do you tell someone you live at the end of Funeral or Cemetery Lane? Or worse, the dead end of Funeral or Cemetery Court. I mean, you’re going to end up there eventually, why tempt fate?

Bridge St. Not bad by itself, and usually has a reason for being called that. However, when it’s the last street in one town and the first street in the next town, it causes major headaches. One of them was there first, so who’s the smarty who didn’t check?

Does it make your head spin when you have one street, let’s call it Elm, but along with Elm St, there’s Elm Way, Elm Terrace, Elm Place, Elm Circle, etc., all within a stone’s throw of each other? Seriously, it’s cruel, not funny. If you have no sympathy for people like me who own lying GPS’s, think of the poor mail carrier and delivery folk.

Numbered streets. Makes sense in NYC if you’re looking for intersections, but if you live on the streets themselves, it can get out of hand. Imagine if you live at 2395 44th St W, Apt 56, 12th Fl. You ever tried to address an envelope, or punch that in as data?

And my favorite, Dick Rd, St, Way, whatever. Okay, I’m being immature now, but would you really want to live at 8 Dick Rd?

Think about it.


Michelle Polaris said...

The process of naming streets feels so random. Catch one of the namers on a bad day when their kids got suspended from school or they didn't have their coffee and I'm sure you end up with that Dick Drive. I've been lucky with the street names of where I've lived.

Wynter Daniels said...

LOL! We have Dump Road and doesn't every town have either a Washington,Kennedy or Lincoln street or avenue? What about Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd. There must be hundreds!

Dalton Diaz said...

One of my faves is Catmouseum Rd, which is posted on a bridge on the way to Maine. Couldn't find it online to back it up, tho. Maine has some of the best, and worst! They're either unpronounceable, or something like "Old Farmer Jim Rd".

Ashlyn Chase said...

Hilarious! Wow, the terrible stripper names...


Desiree Holt said...

We have a community here where the builder decided to name the streets after his daughters. He has five. So he used their first names then their middle names. How would you like to live on Wanda Way?

Dalton Diaz said...

Ash, forgot about the whole stripper street name thing! Yeah, Dick Rd would be a winner.

Des, um, nope. Wouldn't wanna live on Wanda Way. (Say that 3x fast)

Maggie Nash said... a bad street name is a real deal breaker for me!

Down the street from me a whole street petitioned to have the name of their street changed. It was originally called 'BOGON PLACE"

Now, if you live in Australia you will know...Bogon is the name of a really annoying moth that resembles a locust and hangs around your outside lights in summer, leaving lots of mess..

But it also has another meaning..Bogon is a derogatory term for someone from the lower classes (not that there's anything wrong with the lower classes)

Anyway, the residents fought and won to have the streetname changed...they were sick of being teased!


Much nicer :-)

Sherry said...

Awesome post DD.. And inspired.. I LOL through the whole damn thing. I could just hear you venting as you drove along.. listening to your lying GPS knowing that damn thing was laughing cuz you were actually following the directions, he's giving …

Mai said...

LMAO Oh that GPS, the root of all evil I say. What's wrong with the founding fathers? Those names are horrible :D

Dalton Diaz said...

Yeah, amazing how I managed to sneak that Lying GPS in there, eh? I'm sure there will be payback. Sigh.

Maggie, what in the world possessed them to name a street after something bad twice over? May as well call it, You Don't Want to Live Here.