Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Holiday Ass




The dryer causes underwear to shrink, right?

Crap, I always know I'm in trouble when I have to ask this question around the holidays. DH always gets a wild look in his eye and says, "Yes, Dear. Of course. Always."






So here we are, two weeks from Christmas, and Thanksgiving is still hanging around, showing its new dimples. My holiday jolliness always shows up right on schedule, and refuses to leave, well...ever. Or without a mighty shove out the door.








I used to call it "Receptionist Ass" but it's no different than "Writer Ass." Both are cured by "Get Off Your Ass." Just to clarify, I have no disability causing this, or preventing me from doing something about it. I simply prefer to sit on my ass.

And I really, really love to cook. And eat.

So where am I going with this? Absolutely nowhere. That would entail getting off my ass. Two weeks from now is Christmas, and two weeks from then I guarantee that my post question will go something like, Vegetable Soup Diet Challenge, anyone?

19 comments:

Michelle Polaris said...

Tis the season. Merry Christmas Dalton!

Wynter Daniels said...

True that, as my daughter would say. I've loaded the fridge with fruit and veggies. Now let's see if I can forgo the cookies for the healthy stuff.

Dalton Diaz said...

Michelle, I'd rather be a different kind of Ho, Ho, Ho.

Dalton Diaz said...

Wynter, I can forgo the cookies, cakes, etc. It's that extra bowl of pasta, etc., that gets me every time. That's why the soup diet works for me. Prep once, and I can eat all I want. Of course, then I start putting things like cheese in it, etc. You know, to change it up. Crap, now I'm hungry.

Christine H said...

This first two jokes were pretty funny! lol I may be big, But I always forgo the dessert's and the seconds & I barely have firsts. lol
I live on 300 calorie lean cuisine meals everyday still waiting for the weight to fall off lol
I cook for my husband But I never eat any of it. It's lean cuisine for me all the time. Thankfully I don't get tired of the same old thing all the time. I wish I could exercise more without making my back and leg hurt more. It's a cycle for me, but I'll never give up! :)

Ashlyn Chase said...

Boy can I relate!

The thing is, I'm trying to do things differently now. Diets don't work. I'd rather die than die with a t.

What I feel the need to focus on is the way I eat. instead of wolfing down my meal while watching TV and forgetting what it tasted like half a second later, I'm trying to eliminate distractions, sit down and enjoy every mouthful, and let my body tell me when it's full.

I'll let you know how that goes after the writer's cruise in January!

Dalton Diaz said...

Christine, I'd feel better about it if I had a physical excuse. I don't. Or, at least I don't have one that I can't work around. That's the big shame on my part.

Ash, as you know, we already eat healthier than most, so it really is just portion control. As in, I don't have any.

JL Stratton said...

Okay. I'm completely convinced the underwear shrink in the dryer! But, if kept long enough, they seem to stretch back out before Valentine's Day.

Dalton Diaz said...

JL, yeah, but Valentine's Day poses its own problems...

Jina Bacarr said...

You guys are already thinking about Valentine's Day? Which goes to prove, of course, that "Holiday Ass" has no boundaries...and that chocolate is a writer's best friend.

Dalton Diaz said...

Jina, LOL! Guess it's better to have one than be married to one!

Savannah Stuart said...

Lol!! That's why I try to walk every day. It's the only thing that keeps my weight balanced b/c I LOVE pasta too much. (and cookies)

Dalton Diaz said...

I hear you, Savannah. And just my luck, Lactaid just came out with a 1/2 and 1/2. I'm seeing Fettuccine Alfredo in my near future. Sigh.

Bookdragon3 said...

Holiday Ass is year 'round because there's always somebody's holiday that either just passed or is just ahead. And that isn't counting things like birthdays, anniversaries, engagments, divorces, or any of those personal excuses.

Good Luck on your fettuccini, DD. May the good memories last longer than the calories!

Dalton Diaz said...

Bookdragon3, as Wynter (& her daughter) said, True that.

Also included - waking, breathing, talking. They all make me hungry. I made salmon cakes for dinner tonight. The adults loved them, kids hated them. Good thing the kids don't rule this roost!

Sherry said...

OMG, I was laughing my ass off through the whole thing..you did so well explaining every little nuance of each ass.. I have the "get off you ass" ass.. :)

Love Ya
Sherry

Dalton Diaz said...

If only we could literally laugh our asses off...

Delicious Romance From Cerise DeLand said...

BEST LAUGH MY ASS HAS HAD IN WEEKS!
Wish I could get off it...or even get off on it. harumph. But i am too damn overwhelmed with deadlines (well, now just one damn deadline for a book that NEVER seems to get off its own ass), and wrapping and cooking and I am tired.
But I loved your ass story.

Dalton Diaz said...

I love your ass, too, Cerise.