Thursday, April 1, 2010

Can U Identify This Object?

I feel like I’m twelve years old. A preteen, giggling every time someone says the word hard or ball. Guess I never grew up, and I’m sure it doesn’t help to live with teenage boys who respond to every sentence with, “That’s what she said!"

But seriously…what would you do if you were innocently walking through the grocery store (I seem to do that a lot, huh?) and out of the corner of my eye, I see this:



Nope, this isn't an April fool joke. It's quite real. If you look hard - giggle - enough, you can see the cart and a few of my groceries. What could I do but take pics with my phone right there in the store? I considered buying it without even knowing what it was or how much it cost, because of course it wasn’t labeled. I did find out, by handing the young male employee in the produce department a not quite so phallic version. It still felt like asking a clerk how much a box of condoms costs, and having it broadcast over the loudspeaker. That actually happened to me. So no, back on the display my phallic friend went, though I did rather artfully arrange him.

So, what’s your guess? Would another pic help?



Give up?

It’s a horseradish root.
Giggle. She said root. Giggle.
Sigh. I’ve been living my double life too long.

17 comments:

KC Burn said...

Nice! My mind's always in the gutter - hubby & I would have had a good laugh about this had we seen it in the grocery store.

Wynter Daniels said...

I'm with you and KC. My juvenile side would have lost it right in the produce section!

Dalton Diaz said...

Oh, Wynter, I did, and my mother was there with me! You should have seen us trying to take the pic without drawing attention to ourselves.

KC, there is no need to have a gutter mind with that - er - sucker. I mean, holy cow! I'll never joke about a measly cucumber again.

Michelle Polaris said...

The fact that it was horseradish root seems particularly appropriate for the current Passover holiday where that figures as a major ingredient in the seder. Make it burn, baby!

Cara McKenna said...

"Fascinating find, Professor Diaz. I place this mummified, amputated phallus firmly in the Middle Kingdom, roughly 1970 BC, likely used in fertility rituals for—what? Horseradish root? Oh…yes, that's exactly what I meant to say."

Savannah Stuart said...

Haaa! I would have definitely done a double take and probably dissolved into a fit of laughter. That's awesome!

Mai said...

That's funny! I don't fault you the giggles at all, wow. I could not have held it together....especially not with mom right there! nice

Ashlyn Chase said...

That's hilarious, Dalton! But not as funny as a certain Guinea Pic photo I've seen.

Ash

Stephanie Adkins said...

Ditto what KC said. My brain is always in the gutter too. LOL!!

Cara McKenna said...

Oh, Lord—the guinea pig!

Naima Simone said...

LOL!! I would have definitely fell out in the store if I'd seen that! My mind would have gone straight to the sewer too! It looks like that horseradish root has elephantitis of the nuts!! Anybody remember that line from Breakfast Club? Anybody? *crickets*

Dalton Diaz said...

lol! Never let it be said that I don't love my g- pigs. So basically, I have a toy poodle who likes to be dominated by female chihuaha, & a g-pig who could be into bondage. Huh. Go figure.

Mai, mom was egging me on! You'd have to meet her, she can be a hot ticket.

Dalton Diaz said...

Naima, we definitely shared the same teen years. I don't remember that particular line, which just means it's time to pull the movie out. Oh yeah, I own that one, and About Last Night, and Sixteen Candles, and St Elmo's Fire (my fave) and the list goes on!

Naima Simone said...

Ooh! Sixteen Candles, Oxford Blues, St. Elmo's Fire (I have the soundtrack too! LOL!), Pretty in Pink...I'm sooo going on an 80's binge this weekend! LOL!

Jina Bacarr said...

Absolutely hilarious post, Dalton! I know what you mean about living a double life.

Ever since I wrote in my latest Spice about the heroine lamenting that the closest thing she had to a phallic symbol in Victorian London was of the vegetable variety (alluding to a cucumber), I find myself picking out the biggest one every time I go grocery shopping.

Cucumber, that is...

Amber Skyze said...

I was going to say Ginger root. I would have been doubled over in laughter had I seen it.

Dalton Diaz said...

Amber, I wish you HAD been there! Thank god mom was, so I could share the moment.

Jina, European seedless is the way to go. ;)