Because I’m upset.
Ricky Martin just came out of the closet. He’s gay.
What the #$%&#@??!!!
When I read the article online my jaw dropped! My husband tossed me that “what the hell” look, like I should’ve known. Well hell no, I didn’t know! Ricky rocked my world back in the day with Living La Vida Loca and Shake Your Bom Bom. I mean, I kind of thought everybody in Menudo was gay, but Ricky made a believer out of me! And now…now…*sob* this!!
I had to call my sister and the conversation went like this:
Me: Nina, Ricky Martin just came out the closet!
Nina: Don’t bring me bad news like that.
Me: I know! Go to Yahoo!
Nina: I had plenty of fantasies about that man and you’re telling me he wouldn’t have wanted me and it didn’t have anything to do with my size?
Me: I know!
Nina: This is a travesty! I didn’t see this coming like I didn’t see George Michael coming!
Me: I know!
Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not the gay part that hurts me. It’s the Ricky Martin is gay part that tears me up. Okay, sure, sure. You probably think I’m overreacting. But there are certain men we all have fantasies about. Men who play the lead role in every erotic dream. The swash-buckling pirate. The bad boy returning to his hometown. Or the dark, broody executive who calls his secretary in his office during work hours and lays her out on his desk for a business lunch…oops! Wait. That’s my fantasy. Hee-hee! My point is Ricky Martin was that man for me once upon a time. He made me shiver! In memoriam of my dreams I watched the Living La Vida Loca video on YouTube…nope. Unhuh. Sorry. I didn’t see it coming. This isn’t Boy George or Clay Aiken obvious. This is George-Michael-I-Want-Your-Sex-Father-Figure-tight-blue-jeans-leather-jacket-and-guitar shocked!
*sigh* As my rant winds down (I’ve calmed but I don’t know about my sister. When I called her back, she was at Starbucks drowning her sorrow with an extra shot of espresso), I find myself approaching acceptance. Of course I’m happy for Ricky that he can now live an unburdened, honest life and be open about his sexuality. Great. It would be downright callous of me to begrudge him that. Yeah…callous…
So good for you, Ricky. It’s a brave thing you’re doing.
But all’s I’m saying is if Vin Diesel decides to make the same announcement…there’s going to be one naughty author chick on the 6 o’clock news being hauled to the pokey after she chained herself to his car in protest!